10 signs you know Christmas has arrived on the farm!

As I’m feeling slightly festive, a rarity for me, here are 10 signs you know Christmas has arrived on the farm!

The 3 Wise Reps 

Similar to the nativity scene, the festive period warrants an annual visit from local reps who come to the farm bearing gifts of calendars, chocolate and whiskey as a thank you for your custom over the past year.

It is an age old tradition replacing the advent calendar; as soon as you see the rep, you know Christmas is around the corner.

Double order everything 

Most things shut down over the Christmas holidays and the farming industry is no exception to this rule.

Experience has taught you to order that extra proven to tide you over until the New Year, as feed wagons don’t and won’t work on Christmas Day!

But for some reason the bills keep coming…

Beware the practical presents 

Being pragmatic is something every farmer has a knack for and this is most evident in the giving of practical presents at Christmas time.

Try and look excited as you unwrap yet another pair of overalls, new wellingtons or a head torch for lambing time: it was bought with good intentions, honest!

Make sure the turkey fits in the AGA 

Farmers get overtly excited when they realise they can secure a bargain and this happens every Christmas with a visit to the local Turkey Sale.

Despite going to purchase a 17lbs for Christmas Day, it’s not unusual to leave with not one, but two cheap 22lbs!

And whilst you personally may delighted with your bargains, the person cooking the Christmas dinner certainly isn’t when they realise the bird doesn’t fit in the AGA.

Cue a few curse words, some last minute butchering skills and a promise that next time you’ll just stick to the prescribed shopping list!!

Jobs before Presents 

It is still a working day meaning daily jobs, such as milking and feeding up, need to be complete before any presents are unwrapped!

On the plus side, the folks are used to getting up early, meaning you never needed to wait for them to wake up as a child before you could open anything.

Rating fields in terms of sledging speed

There is something enchanting about fields covered in glistening untouched snow – especially for a child growing up and playing on the farm.

With slopes and fields galore, you have ranked each one over the years on how fast your sledge will go down the hill and still have favourite field to sledge in.. even at the age of 22!

However, please note that sledges, ropes and quad-bikes do not mix and will only end in tears…

Holly Seekers 

Christmas time means holly seekers come out in force, looking for berries to make some festive decorations.

And whilst it is tempting to send these festive people found rummaging in your hedgerows away, experience shows acts of kindness are sometimes rewarded ….

Like that time when we awoke to find a handmade wreathe on our doorstop!

What’s a Carol Singer? 

Certainly something only found in films.

The mere thought of carol singers trekking all the way down the snowy and slippery lane just to sing you a song is simply absurd and amusing.

But fair play if anyone has ever turned up outside your farmhouse and belted out a carol or two!

Lost Christmas Walkers 

Everyone loves a good countryside stroll and for some reason townies choose the festive period (Christmas Eve/Day/Boxing Day) in particular to go on one.

Be prepared to answer the door to a lost walker half way through your turkey dinner: it is guaranteed to happen one year!

Mouthwatering Kitchen Smells 

You certainly never went hungry at Christmas time in a farm house.

From Christmas cakes, mince pies and festive trifles to homemade stuffing, pastries and cheese sauce, farmers wives and mothers have the festive menu perfected and you are guaranteed to leave the table feeling as obese as the turkey you just devoured.

You have dreamed about this meal all year long and every year it just keeps getting better.

And nobody’s Christmas Dinner will ever come up to scratch!

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Those are my 10 signs Christmas has arrived on the farm. But what are yours?

I hope you have enjoyed this festive post.

All that is left for me to say is Merry Christmas Everyone and a Happy New Year!

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9 things farmers want countryside walkers to remember…

Everyone loves going for walks in the country.

It is hard not to with such amazing scenery, crisp fresh air and abundance of nature. There is just something homely and tranquil about it.

Yet the countryside is also a hectic workplace for farmers up and down the country who are just trying to make a living the best way they know how.

As farmers, we want everyone to be able to enjoy the countryside as much as we do taking care of it, but we really appreciate some respect for our workplace when you are out and about on your weekend strolls.

Here are nine things farmers would like countryside walkers to remember…

       1. Cows live in the countryside too!

No matter how fluffy it looks, do not pet the calf!

Contrary to social media opinion, cows, bulls and calves still occupy the fields on a regular basis and are often found chudding happily away without a care in the world.

But be prepared for their reaction to you and your dog, especially if there is young livestock nearby.

After all, cows are protective of their newborn young – something seven year old me discovered!

Remember to remain quiet and calm when walking through a field of cows and calves, avoiding any startling movements that may spook them.

And should the worst happen, let GO of your dog and its lead – it can outrun a cow, meaning you can get to safety separately, saving yourself buckets of sweat and a lot of swearing!

      2. Pick up your dog muck 

A local farmer’s sign! CREDIT: Lorraine Keogh

Dog poo is known to spread Neosporosis – a disease causing cows to abort their calves or become infected if carried to term.

It is a massive pet peeve for farmers, since it only takes dog walkers a few seconds to pick up poo and dispose of it correctly, but failure to do so can cost a farmer his livelihood!

Poo really isn’t a big deal –  farmers deal with tons of it on a daily basis, whether cleaning out sheds, milking cows or muck-spreading.

So take some responsibility and clean up after your pooch – after all you really wouldn’t like it if we came and left our cow crap in your back garden!

3. Buy an up-to-date map .. and stick to it! 

Like most things in life, changes can happen and land is no exception to this.

New ownership means that public footpaths are often redirected to suit a farmers’ long term plan, meaning you should use an up-to-date map to avoid trespassing and being shouted at!

It will also save you knocking on farm house doors/ walking into lambing sheds to ask for directions and taking up a farmer’s precious time, meaning you have more time to explore the countryside, and the farmer can carry on with his daily tasks like normal.

      4. Leave the gates alone

Leave the gates alone!

If you find the gate open, leave it open.

If you find the gate closed, leave it closed.

Farmers leave gates exactly how they want them and nothing is more frustrating than moving a flock of sheep or herd of heifers to find someone has shut the gate which they are supposed to be turning into!

Just leave the gates alone. Please.

5.  Don’t interfere

Don’t get me wrong, farmers appreciate your concern and are grateful when you inform us about something wrong you discovered on your walks.

But more often than not, we are aware that our tup is lame or that there is a gap in the fence and we are dealing with it. There really is no need for you to interfere.

Unless it is something urgent, such as the pigs have escaped and are making a mud-bath of the village green, presume we have it covered!

6. Unless a sheep is on its back 

Please intervene if you see a sheep on its back struggling to get up – it is ‘rigged’ and will not be able to get up by itself.

7. Don’t rely on 3G 

It may be the 21st century but the countryside still has sparse 3G and limited signal!

Chances are google maps will fail to load and you’ll be stranded in a field completely lost, with limited signal to call for help should an emergency occur.

And whilst you think you may look really cool re-enacting the Simba scene, you just look like a daft townie to farmers, who forgot to buy an up-to-date map and lack a common sense of direction.

Just put your smartphone away and enjoy the countryside in all its glory. You can Instagram that photo of the view once you are back home with a cuppa.

      8. It is private for a reason 

Farmyards are incredibly busy and sometimes dangerous workplaces, making them private for a reason!

Just stick to the footpath.

We are not trying to hide anything from you, rather prevent an accident from occurring – we are often not aware of your presence and so have not factored it into our (mental) risk assessment of our task.

The last thing we want is for a member of the public to be hurt on our farm. So please just stick to the footpath, and if you do have to cross a farmyard to reach your destination be quick and quiet – no dawdling!

9. Keep your dog on a lead around livestock

Time for walks

The countryside is a great place to exercise your dogs but please remember to keep them on a lead around livestock.

If I have to shout at any more dog walkers, I will go blue in the face!

Yes, most of you keep your dogs on leads when in fields with livestock and I cannot thank you enough.

But for those that don’t, try telling the farmer who has found his beloved flock dead, maned and stressed your excuses: ‘my dog would never chase or kill a sheep/ he’s so well trained he doesn’t need to be on a lead / she’s too small to do any damage’ and then watch his reaction.

As owners, you should realise dogs have sudden instincts and every dog is capable of harming sheep, regardless of temperament, size, breed etc. Just take some RESPONSIBILITY.

The last thing farmers want to do is lawfully shoot your pooch but sometimes there is no other alternative.

Just keep your dog on a lead around livestock. It is that simple.

No better sight!

So those are my top nine things I, as a young  farmer, would like countryside walkers to remember during their weekend strolls.

It really is possible for everyone to enjoy the countryside and still be respectful to the people and animals living and working there!